Cannes In Cairns: The Rejected Speakers

With the full Cannes In Cairns speaker program now in place, CHRIS TAYLOR runs us through the sessions that didn’t make the cut.

Putting together the program for an event like Cannes In Cairns is, I imagine, a bit like putting together the invite list for the royal coronation: the usual arseholes have to be accommodated, the moneyed connections need to be humoured, and the people you actually want to be there are left to compete for the handful of remaining spots. One of this year’s program curators described the process to me as a psychologically draining puzzle akin to “an escape room without a solution”.

Taking pity on the team, I offered to take some of the tough curatorial decisions off their hands. Knowing that their program needed urgent trims, I successfully argued that it’s much easier to “kill your darlings” when the killer hired to do the job doesn’t personally regard anything, or anyone, as darlings. So here then are the keynote speakers and panel sessions that I took a sword to… laying them to waste in the interests of both time and common decency.

Winning The Client

There are clients you want. And clients you really, really want. But what are the tricks you need to woo a client successfully? A panel of senior PwC partners share their top illegal tips for chasing new business.

Ben Roberts-Smith – How To Build Your Brand

The former SAS soldier and recipient of the Victoria Cross shares his personal tips for building brand awareness. Drawing on personal experience, he outlines how something as simple as a protracted defamation battle can dramatically help your brand reach more people, by taking you from somebody that few people ever thought about to somebody who the whole country suddenly knows and loathes.

Is TikTok A Threat To Our National Security?

Already banned on all government devices in Australia, the popular social media app stands accused of sharing data with the Chinese government. But are the fears justified? In this completely impartial keynote, Chinese President Xi Jinping explains why TikTok is nothing but

harmless fun, and why everyone in Australia – especially all ASIO and Defence staff – must sign-up to it at once or face the consequences.

Knowing What Audiences Want

Fresh from Channel 10’s lowest ratings year ever, the senior executives behind some of the network’s biggest turkeys have the nerve to sit on a panel and lecture the industry about what audiences want. The session will be moderated by a recent Bachelor contestant who nobody can place.

Scott Morrison – Maximising Your Potential

In this breakout workshop, former Prime Minister Scott Morrison shows you how to unlock your untapped potential by secretly swearing yourself in to all of your colleagues’ jobs. Promoting the virtues of ambition, Morrison believes we mustn’t limit ourselves to being incompetent at only one job, but instead dare to dream we can be incompetent at many, many jobs.

The Rise of AI In The Media

The AI robot revolution is here, and it’s already rapidly changing the media landscape. But in this provocative keynote address, ABC Breakfast host Michael Rowland questions whether a robot will ever be able to achieve a presenting style quite as robotic as his own.

Ageism In The Modern Workplace

Why do we still discriminate against the elderly? Can a person over 70 still make a valuable contribution to the workforce? In what promises to be a lively discussion, Barry Humphries, Jerry Springer and Father Bob all make the case for the endless vitality of the elderly.

Why Inclusivity Is The Future

The importance of inclusivity is passionately discussed by an all-male, all-white panel.

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Chris Taylor