Chris Taylor Reveals His Undying Love For Cannes In Cairns! (Just Not The Heat Or The Crocs)

Chris Taylor Reveals His Undying Love For Cannes In Cairns! (Just Not The Heat Or The Crocs)

Cannes in Cairns, Presented by Pinterest, is coming up this May, with newly appointed B&T imposter-in-chief Chris Taylor returning as MC.

B&T sat down with Taylor to find out what brings him to our illustrious publication, the business ideas he has brewing, and how he’d cross swords with a cassowary.

You recently came on board as a contributing writer for B&T. Welcome!

What have you done to piss off the ABC?

I made the mistake of pitching a show to them that had youth appeal. Boy, was Ita furious. She threw a whole box of Priceline products at my head, which she then picked up one by one to personally endorse.

Speaking of the ABC, your old mate Dr Karl will be speaking at Cannes in Cairns. Dr Karl has degrees in Physics, Mathematics, Biomedical Engineering, Medicine and Surgery. He’s also pursued non-degree studies in Astrophysics, Computer Science and Philosophy.

What superfluous degree would you get if the government still valued a free education?

I think I need to do a Phys Ed course, because I got physically exhausted just reading that question.

Earlier this month, the New Zealand navy seized 3.2 tonnes of cocaine that was allegedly destined for Australia.

Completely unrelated, but what’s a fun hobby the suits can pick up so they’re actually interesting to talk to at Cairns?

Hang on, what… New Zealand has a navy?? Seriously? I’m assuming it’s just one dude in a dinghy, quietly motoring up and down Auckland harbour. And secondly… how dare they take Australia’s cocaine off us! This is so typical of New Zealand: they give us all the bad shit like Richard Wilkins and Russell Crowe, and take all the good shit for themselves.

You’ve cornered Sir Martin Sorrell at Gilligan’s. You have one minute to sell a business idea to him before security gets you. What is it?

I’d pitch him my idea for a chain of cocktail bars, where there’s one line at the bar for people who just want a beer or wine, and a separate line for all those fuckers who want a fancy cocktail that takes 15 minutes to make. We could even pilot the idea at Gilligan’s right there and then. But for Gilligan’s I would propose three separate lines: one line for beer and wine, one line for cocktails, and one line for people who just need a drink to use in a glassing altercation with a backpacker.

Cairns is home to the world’s most dangerous bird, the Cassowary. Would you rather fight 100 duck-sized Cassowaries or one Cassowary-sized duck?

Definitely the Cassowary-sized duck. Sure, it would be an epic tussle. But if you manage to knock him dead… just think how many delicious duck pancakes you’ll get out of him.

Finally, what is Australia’s best creative communications festival, and why is it Cannes in Cairns?

I love Cannes in Cairns so much. In fact, the only festival I prefer is Cairns in Cannes, where a bunch of conservative sugar-cane farmers set up a trestle table on the Promenade de La Croisette and talk to the locals about XXXX beer.

BUY YOUR tickets to CANNES IN CAIRNS NOW




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