OMG! This guy called Lance, one of our regional ECDs, has admitted that he’s a drug cheat and all hell has broken loose!
It was at the global conference in Phuket last week, where all the top creatives from around the network show their best work and everybody presses “like” or “dislike” on their buzzer and at the end of the weekend one of them wins a Golden Thumb which is our new Network Award, plus the creative department get a thousand dollars.
ECD asked me to go along and show all our work because, as he says, “Inga’s got more creativity in her little finger than the rest of the agency put together plus she looks way better in a bikini and that always helps sway the judges” which was sooo cool (and true!).
Anyway, at the conference everybody had to show their five best pieces of creative work from last year, including at least one TV commercial and one social media campaign, coz our network’s new slogan is “We Get Dig It al” At first I didn’t get it but ECD explained to me on the plane that “we get digital” has a double meaning, meaning like we understand digital stuff (which isn’t really true coz most of the ferals in the Sydney office refuse to even work on any of my digital briefs because they are “lame”) but it’s also a pun on “we get it” meaning we’re cool and ultra-hip. We repainted reception with “We Get Dig It al” in giant red letters and put it on top of our letterheads, folder covers, business cards and briefing and strategy forms and all our other stationary.
Anyway, at the conference I got up and showed one of our scam campaigns for the Blind Afghani Lesbian’s Refugee Society that we entered into Cannes and all the award shows last year (ECD lied and said “It picked up a couple of things along the way” – even though it didn’t) and then I showed the mock-ups for my new shampoo How Itchy Is Your Scalp App (you shake your iPhone over your head and all this dandruff falls out – so cool!).
Anyway, everyone in the bar said they “gave me the thumbs up” but it wasn’t true because for the seventh time in a row this dude Lance, who’s the ECD of Bahrain, won again.
We were all chilling out around the pool later that evening and all the creative directors were going on and on about how unfair it was coz Lance always wins and nobody could figure out why. And then finally Lance admitted that the reason his agency was so good was because of drug testing. “We can’t get hold of anything,” he goes, “and if they catch you with something they chop off your hands or stone you to death. So nobody ever touches anything.”
The rest of the ECDs were completely stunned. Regional CCO choked mid-snort (it went everywhere, soooo embarrassing) and goes “You mean all your creative work is done drug-free?” and everyone was stunned when Lance owned up and confessed that it was. “Every single ad for the past seven years!” We were all speechless.
Afterwards, everyone agreed that that was cheating and Lance should give back all his gongs.
Inga Van Kyck is the pseudonym of a well-known female senior account executive, working undercover and incognito in one of Sydney's top ad agencies, writing an "insider" marketing column for B&T.
Please login with linkedin to comment
TripleLift has today announced an expansion in their Asia Pacific (APAC) operations, with Henry Shelley [featured image] appointed as Managing Director, based in Singapore. Fueling TripleLift‘s expansion in APAC is its success in Australia, where the company works with 70 per cent of the top 50 comScore publishers. “As the home to several of the worlds’ […]
Rob Highett-Smith joins Fiftyfive5 in the newly created role of head of performance measurement. Performance measurement represents one of the three core offer areas at Fiftyfive5 with tracking programs running across 40 countries; representing our fastest growing capability pillar. Rob joins to lead this capability, which encompasses brand and comms tracking, multi market monitoring, CX and customer satisfaction, as well as other longitudinal programmatic work.
Podium has continued its international expansion today announcing its launch in Australia. Podium serves more than 90,000 local businesses in the United States, Canada and Australia, and has seen its customer base in Australia almost quadruple to over 3,000 local businesses since the start of the pandemic. Through its SMS-based platform, Podium helps local businesses receive […]
Independent experience agency The Misfits has recently announced a strategic partnership with cultural change and leadership experts Nancy Hromin and Kate Chaffer. While the company has for a long time operated in the space of creative services, digital and content marketing, film production and events, The Misfits is now broadening this offering to include business […]
Commercial DAB+ hip hop and RnB station, THE EDGE has appointed Emily Copeland, to the newly created role of General Manager. Copeland brings an awesome mix of skills and experience to THE EDGE, including cross-platform media content experience, partnerships and events (including music festivals – remember those?). Copeland also has a stack of achievements to […]
Brianne West is the founder and CEO of Ethique, a New Zealand-based sustainable, plastic free and cruelty free skin and hair care range. West sat down with B&T to explore what genuine environmental sustainability looks like, and how brands can better respond to eco-conscious consumers. B&T: Why are we seeing a rise in eco-conscious consumption? BW: […]
Blis has today revealed its new Consumer Confidence Pulse — the most comprehensive tracker of its kind — this interactive dashboard builds on its existing trend data around consumer mood to analyse behaviour during the COVID pandemic. The dashboard also now tracks consumer movement over a rolling 13-month period, across 18 retail and lifestyle sectors […]
Following the success of Series One: Grey Nomads, Australian Seniors has launched the second series of the Life’s Booming podcast – Dare to Date. Hosted by James Valentine (pictured with guests Liz and Barry), Life’s Booming explores the incredible stories and addresses topics important to Australians over 50. Series two titled Dare to Date is a six-part series that covers real-life love, […]
World-leading conversational agency VERSA has bolstered its team with two senior appointments in response to growing uptake in conversational AI technology across various sectors. Vanessa Tout has been appointed global head of client partnerships and growth, while Michael Oso-Hughes comes on board as design director. Tout joins VERSA CEO Kath Blackham and managing director Michael […]
Engagement marketing agency, Banter, has hired Patrick Rutkowski as Creative Technologist, to further bolster the digital and innovation side of the business. Rutkowski joins Banter after having spent the last five and a half years at independent creative agency, The Hallway where he was most recently creative technologist working with the likes of Rheem, Tourism […]
Kargo has today announced several major growth milestones across the APAC region for the first half of 2021, more than doubling H1 revenue year-over-year with 115 per cent growth. Kargo also ran 41 per cent more campaigns in the region than in H1 2020 and the average campaign size increased by 32 per cent over […]