Even Al Qaeda Has Turned On The Qatar World Cup As Tournament Descends Into Farce

Even Al Qaeda Has Turned On The Qatar World Cup As Tournament Descends Into Farce

The Soccer World Cup kicked off in Qatar last night, with hosts Qatar becoming the first host nation to lose the opening game in 92 years as Ecuador strolled to a 0-2 victory.

However, after months of controversy surrounding the World Cup — ranging from concerns about the welfare of migrant workers to to the safety of gay people in the Gulf nation — the actual event has turned into a complete circus.

Noted terrorist organisation Al Qaeda has railed against the event, criticising Qatar for “bringing immoral people, homosexuals, sowers of corruption and atheism into the Arabian Peninsula” and added that the tournament diverts attention from the  “occupation of Muslim countries and their oppression”.

Before a ball was kicked, however, Morgan Freeman — one of the faces of the US’ rival World Cup bid — took part in a bizarre and sycophantic opening ceremony.

Morgan, lip-syncing, spoke about the beauty of Qatar’s “call to celebration” in a land he previously associated with “turmoil.”

The actor, who has portrayed figures as esteemed as Frederick Douglass, Nelson Mandela, and even God, then had a pre-recorded conversation with 20 year-old Qatari influencer Ghanim al Muftah. al Muftah, a FIFA World Cup ambassador, was born with Caudal Regression Syndrome which impairs the development of the lower half of the body.

Twitter, as ever, was quick to react.

Jungkook, from K-pop group BTS also took to the stage, and lip-synced as badly as Freeman.

The fun didn’t stop after the match kicked off, however. Ecuador’s parched fans chanted “Queremos Cerveza” or “We want beer,” during the game. Following a period of wrangling over the provision of alcohol at the games, Qatar forced FIFA’s hand and prohibited beer being served anywhere near the ground, let alone inside it.

In response to the beer ban, which could set FIFA back as much as US$40 million due to a deal with Budweiser, the American brewer tweeted that the winning nation will receive the warehouse full of below-average beer.

According to The Herald Sun, fans are being asked to hand over as much as AU$25 for a pint in hotel bars in Qatar. Fortunately, the eye-watering price will likely help anyone brave enough to make the trip avoid Qatar’s laws on public drunkenness.

England are due to play Iran tomorrow and FIFA has declared that Harry Kane will not be allowed to wear the OneLove rainbow captain’s armband. However, the Tottenham Hotspur forward has said that he will wear the armband regardless, risking a fine from FIFA and a booking in the process.

“I feel we’ve made it clear as a team, as a staff and as an organisation that we want to wear the armband,” said Kane.

“I know the FA are talking to FIFA at the moment. I’m sure by game time tomorrow they’ll have their decision We’ve made it clear that we want to wear it.”

Other European countries, including Germany and The Netherlands, have also been playing with a rainbow armband. Netherlands captain Virgil Van Dijk has said that may need to “reconsider” his plan of action if he does face a booking upon entering the pitch with the armband.

Still, it wasn’t all bad.

Two English fans seem to have been having a whale of a time in Qatar. The Everton fans were apparently on the “hunt” for some beers and ended up meeting one of the Sheikh’s sons who took them to his palace to meet his monkeys and exotic birds.

Alex Sullivan, one of the fans, clearly found some beers later on, and tweeted a video of himself smoking inside a nightclub. “Let’s not listen to our bollocks media giving this nation so much shit,” he wrote.

Inspiring stuff and proof that you cannot take poms anywhere.

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