In what might be the funniest hoax we’ve seen in a long while, a news story about popular weather presenter for the BBC Carol Kirkwood has given us the laughs we needed this Monday morning.
UK spoof news and satire site, NewsThump, has reported that Kirkwood delivered a weather forecast where she described the chilly climate as “cold as fuck”.
In an outside broadcast in the North York Moors on Friday morning, colleague Bill Turnbill crossed to Kirkwood and said, “It looks a bit chilly where you are”, and per NewsThump, Kirkwood confirmed it was indeed pretty bloody cold.
“It’s cold as fuck,” she said.
“I’m sorry?” replied a visibly shocked Turnbill.
“Cold. As. Fuck.” Kirkwood repeated.
“Bastard cold. Shitting cold. Cold as an eskimo’s arse. Cold as a witch’s tit. Cold enough to worry any brass monkeys. It is abso-fucking-lutely fucking cold as fucking fuck.”
“I see,” Turnbill responded. “Um, so is there any detail on the forecast for-”
“No. Cold as fuck. Probably some rain in Scotland and the North, I mean, I haven’t checked but it’s a fair assumption. Now, sod this, I’m going to get off this God-forsaken blasted bastard heath and try and find somewhere in this hellish backwater with the ability to make a decent cup of coffee.”
NewsThump then said Kirkwood dropped the mic and stalked off “muttering about being a proper scientist, not a performing penguin”.
The satire site then added to the hilarity by reporting that the BBC has since issued a statement saying there would be no punishment for Kirkwood because “after investigation we have discovered that on the North York Moors on Friday morning, it was indeed cold as fuck”.
The website is notorious for delivering spoof news stories, but regardless, it’s one hell of a read, already being liked, shared and commented on almost 100,000 times on Facebook in the past 24 hours.