Home » “You’re Playing Off Patriarchal Ideas,” Abbie Chatfield Challenges ‘Dating Coach’ Who Claims Women Are ‘TURNED ON’ By Being Told What To Do

24 November, 2023

“You’re Playing Off Patriarchal Ideas,” Abbie Chatfield Challenges ‘Dating Coach’ Who Claims Women Are ‘TURNED ON’ By Being Told What To Do

By Sofia Geraghty

You can’t move on the internet these days without bumping into a self-proclaimed ‘dating coach’.

Not sure if you have fallen victim to the content of a modern-day cupid? Well, if you’re hearing phrases like “masculine man”, “feminine women” or, shudder, “high-value man” then you’re probably there.

One such dating coach who frequents the likes of YouTube and Instagram is Mr Locario.

Mr Locario has been coaching men on dating for 17 years, he says. Some pearls of wisdom on his Instagram account include “never approach woman” (apparently this is not what ‘high-value men’ do) and also to be wary of women who use s*x to get “weak males” to commit.

Well Mr Locario met his match this week when he bravely stepped onto Abbie Chatfield’s It’s A Lot podcast.

Chatfield is a passionate advocate of sexual positivity, feminism and challenging traditional gender roles, so needless to say sparks (and not the good kind) were quick to fly.

The conversation began to get heated after Mr Locario claimed men should approach dating with the attitude of “it’s my way or the highway”.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by IT’S A LOT PODCAST (@itsalotpod)

When a bewildered Chatfield asks “why!?”, he continues: “I’m telling a woman to wear this and put on this dress and she’s like ‘yes, finally a man that’s telling me what to do because it turns me on to be with a guy who is masculine’”.

“If you refuse,” he goes on, “that means that you might not necessarily want to date a man who is a leader”.

On the surface it, it seems like Chatfield is listening to Mr Locario and contemplating his wisdom, but then, in an expert edit, a dream bubble appears above her head with Julia Gillard’s wonderful speech on sexism shown.

She lets Mr Locario finish before saying, “are you telling the men you are coaching to openly say on the first date ‘listen, I want to make all of the decisions, are you giving them full informed consent in the relationship?’

The coach then says that the man does not have to say all of that he just sees what the action is.

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A post shared by Hashim Locario Smith (Mr. Locario) (@realmrlocario)

Chatfield then goes on to describe the behaviour as “controlling” saying Mr Locario is playing off “patriarchal ideas which are creating an environment that is manipulative and making women submit”.

“It is finding ways to control women,” she finishes.

Users in the comment section of the Instagram post were divided, with one on the side of Mr Locario saying “It’s not about control at all it’s about allowing a secure real man to take the lead.”

A lot were on the side of Chatfield however, with one saying “F****ck i reeeally wanna listen to this but also that man makes me want to claw my fkn eyes out just watching this tiny snippet” and another saying his comments were “gross” and “not healthy”.

Earlier this year Chatfield decided to leave her daily radio show so she could look after her mental health and invest her energy in her podcast and her social media account which now has nearly 500,000 followers.

“I just wasn’t getting joy from that environment anymore,” she said speaking about radio.

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Abbie Chatfield patriarchal sexism