Non-verbal communication legend Michael Grinder has delivered some searing truths about the way we are communicating without realising it, and how we can start regaining control of our messages.

If you ever wondered why you were so misunderstood, or why you are missing out on the pitches, or why that promotion you deserve is so elusive, then Grinder will sort you out.

Exuberant and youthful at 75, Grinder delivered some of the answers to these questions as only a gifted raconteur can last week in Australia on behalf of Peak Performance Development.

Currently residing in the US, Grinder captivated, charmed and disarmed the room with his acute perceptions on the human condition.

We all send 1000s of non-verbal messages every day and they can be the difference between our success and failure in our endeavours.

Research indicates that 80 to 90 per cent of all communication is non-verbal and we have literally thousands of micro actions that are consciously and unconsciously sending messages to other people about what we say and do, who we are and what we believe in.

This can be interpreted in a multitude of ways and is the difference between winning a pitch and losing one, developing a relationship and ending one, and meeting or not meeting your goals.

Part clairvoyant, part educator, part behavioural scientist, Grinder’s work of the past several decades has helped thousands of people to succeed where they have previously failed.

There were hundreds of takeaways from Grinder’s talk. Here are three of them:

1. The listener influences the speaker

How often have you been unable to deliver a message or start a conversation because the other party did not appear to be listening? If you watch their breathing and you speak to them when they are breathing out (not in), the message gets through.

2. We have a credible voice and an approachable voice

Have you ever been misunderstood? We can feel hurt or insulted that they didn’t understand our intention. We have all heard that how we say something is often the message. The secret of understanding others’ interpretation is to look at our voice patterns.

3. Micro, macro and meta interpretations

Micro is the physical, what one wears and how they look; macro is their style, what they say and how they say it; and meta is making an interpretation of that person, values, beliefs and who they are as a person. Knowing how to influence this can help you in ensuring you’re not being judged for the stain on your shirt. Fascinating stuff.