How Ambitious People Can Be Happier
Sydney-based Yu Dan Shi (pictured below) is a coach, mentor and speaker, helping other professionals live an inspired life. She’s also the author of the book Come Alive – Live a Life with More Meaning and Joy. In this guest post, she argues all that hard work might make you a high achiever, but it doesn’t necessarily make you a high performer…
How many of us think, “If I can achieve this, I will be happier,” yet constantly feel unfulfilled? It’s a trap so many of us fall into. We believe happiness is just around the corner, and if only we work just a bit harder, for just a bit longer, we will finally be able to reach it.
The trouble is, it rarely happens. How many of us have been full of ambition and finally arrived at our hard-fought destination, only to realise what it promised us was a mirage? Our years of hard work have not given us the happiness and contentment we’d hoped for.
To travel so far and realise this can be deeply disappointing. Dr Tony Grant, a coaching psychologist at the University of Sydney, calls this a “hollow victory”. Why is this happening?
Through years of research and working with successful high achievers, I have discovered that a lot of our unhappiness is the result of our long-term behaviours and habits. These habits often brought us success early in life but derailed our happiness as we pursued even greater success.
These detrimental habits include:
- Working tirelessly at the expense of sleep, relationships, our wellbeing and life balance.
- Saying “yes” to everything to show how committed we are.
- Pushing ourselves into the ground to manage an ever-expanding workload.
- Prioritising other people’s goals over our own.
Typically, organisations and society reward these behaviours. We quickly discover they get us ahead in our careers, so we keep doing them, even when they don’t make us happy. When these behaviours become a daily habit, they inevitably wear us down, no matter how successful we are.
What underpins this pattern is the fact we don’t know how to achieve success in a healthy way. Most of us have only been taught how to work harder and longer to achieve success, not how to work better.
In my corporate career of 20-plus years, I witnessed the negative outcomes of a workaholic culture every day. The high achievers were the ones who suffered most. They would pull all-nighters and turn up to work the next day. They would routinely start a second shift after putting their children to bed. They would travel across time zones, severely jet-lagged yet able to sit through back-to-back meetings with no rest.
They were proud of their discipline and toughness. Yet privately, these high achievers were falling apart, desperately wanting a break. I know, because I was one of them.
In 2008, I suffered a severe burnout in my first executive job as a CMO for a global tech company. For years, the motto I followed was “no pain, no gain”. The result was that I was so burnt out, it took an emergency operation to force me to look at the way I worked and lived differently. My doctor explicitly told me that my life-threatening illness was the result of unhealthy working habits and stress.
There is a limit to how much and how hard we can work. We cannot sustain a state of never-ending struggle. Eventually, people break. Like a fuel tank, our willpower and energy need to be topped up or they will run out.
In other words, many of us are high achievers but not necessarily high performers.
When we learn to achieve in an optimal way, we sustain our success for longer and we become much happier.
By the time clients come to see me in my coaching practice, they are often contemplating leaving their jobs or quitting their careers altogether. However, only 20 per cent of these clients need to make an external change. The majority can improve their situations dramatically simply by learning better working habits.
With the right tools and techniques, high achievers learn how to motivate themselves naturally without shouting “come on, you can do it”. They understand how to perform at their peak and restore their energy daily. And they learn how to re-design their work and daily agenda to get the best out of themselves.
By refining their working habits, high achievers see tremendous results within a short period of time. They take back control, feel energised and driven. They significantly cut back their working hours. They not only start to perform better at work, but they also feel much happier overall. They sleep soundly at night. Their relationships with their families improve as their psychological wellbeing recovers. For many, they also finally have the time to re-connect with their passion projects, bringing joy back into their lives.
You don’t need to stop achieving. But learning how to achieve optimally makes the journey so much more enjoyable. We all want to succeed. But we don’t have to sacrifice our happiness and wellbeing in the process. We can succeed in a healthier way – that’s the real success
Please login with linkedin to comment
Yu Dan ShiLatest News
The Mars Agency Announces Latest Findings Of Retail Media Report Card
The Mars Agency has developed a scorecard that assesses the capabilities of leading platforms across key criteria required to optimally plan, execute, and measure effective retail media programs. The scorecard aims To help brands efficiently evaluate their spending options across retail media networks in Australia (and New Zealand). With spending on retail media advertising in […]
‘It’s The Lesser Of Two Evils’ – NRL Eyes US Betting Market As Aussie Regulators Circle
US betting firms will be delighted by the circa 50,000 Americans who could soon watch the NRL on their favourite app.
A-League In Deep Discussions With New Partner To Keep Games On TV After Production Company Enters Administration
The A-League's insatiable appetite for scoring own goals continues.
TV Ratings (27/03/2024): Jungle Members At War Over Concealed Lipstick
A heated argument between two jungle members did the numbers for Ten last night, with I’m A Celeb obtaining a total national reach of 1,282,000. Fans were delighted as Candice Warner and influencer Skye Wheatley got into it over a stick of lipstick, leading Warner to dub the Instagram star “selfish.” Wheatley, best known for […]
Is The Australian Music Industry In Trouble? Inquiry Launched Following Splendour Cancellation
Earlier this week, an inquiry was launched into the challenges and opportunities currently facing the Australian live music industry in the wake of multiple festival cancellations. On 25 March 2024, the Minister for the Arts, the Hon. Tony Burke MP, asked the Committee on Communications and the Arts to inquire into and report on the […]
Liana Dubois, Leandro Perez, Aimee Buchanan & More Gather For Inaugural Compadres Leadership Event
Didn't get the invite? Perhaps you're not as important as you thought.
Cathay Captures The Unforgettable Thrill Of Cathay/HSBC Hong Kong Rugby Sevens, Via Publicis
Nobody does rugby like Hong Kong, apparently. Certainly nobody does it as badly as Australia.
Cocogun Nabs Christine Watts, Kirsty Reynolds & Shev Tan Bolstering Management & Creative Teams
Cocogun bolsters its team with new hires. Committed to purchasing a bigger sofa, too.
The Media Store’s Jacquie Alley & Sam Cousins Take The Plunge With Pro-Bono Work For Cure Cancer
B&T chats with The Media Store bosses about their great pro-bono work and sponsored swim.
Hawke’s Brewing Co. Taps Rocket Comms For PR Agency Following Competitive Pitch
We're expecting Rocket Comms productivity to crash in spectacular fashion following this win.
Spotlight On Sponsors: Patties Serves Up A Taste Of Home For Olympians & South Sydney Rabbitohs Recommit To Gambling Reform
While the Rabbitohs commits to gambling reform, B&T reckons the team should commit to a decent auto sponsor.
Google: “Inevitable” That Bad Actors Will Abuse Ads Platform As Advertiser Account Suspensions Double
Google maintains it's simply impossible for it to entirely stop bad people placing & paying for ads using its service.
Quantcast Expands APAC Sales Team With Appointment Of News Corp Account Manager
No pressure at all when you are appointed as a client success manager.
Publicis Sapient Tests Microsoft-Powered Gen AI Search Tool With Homes & Villas By Marriott Bonvoy
Given Gen AI's record for mangling stuff, B&T cannot see the problem with letting it decide your next holiday digs.
Volkswagen & DDB Group’s “Roo Badge” To Reduce Kangaroo Related Road Collisions
Watch out for RooBadge as Cannes Lions' most debated campaign this year.
Twilio Launches Unified Profiles & Agent Copilot Features To Boost Productivity & Engagement
Agent Copilot sounds like James Bond's less interesting cousin.
Reebok & Honda Among New Clients For onetwo agency
OneTwo finally lives up to its name with this double billing.
Ogilvy Report: Throw Out The Social Strategy Rule Book, The Rules Of The Past No Longer Apply
B&T was puzzled that all 'influencers' aren't, effectively, 'virtual', but here we are.
WhiteGREY & AKQA Merge In Australia, Lee Simpson Departs
Fortunately, the combined agencies aren't opting for a trite portmanteau for the new name.
Splendour In The Grass 2024 Music Festival Cancelled!
Music fans all over the country reportedly relieved they can pack away their rain coats and gumboots for another year.
TV Ratings (26/03/2024): “Fairy Bread, F***ing Disgusting”: Gordon Ramsay Slams Aussie Food In Food Stars Launch
Ramsay not one for mincing his words, even when it comes to minced meat pies.
Paramount+ International Boss Doubles Down On Aussie Content, Says Ad-Tier will Grow Audiences And Revenue
Good news as Paramount will not be binning I’m A Celebrity for re-runs of Frasier.
Brent Smart: Telstra Pushing For 50-50 Brand-Performance Split But Warns Numbers ‘Won’t Look Great’ Initially
The old brand vs performance debate continues. But here, Brent is firmly sitting on the fence.
Crowded House, Tones And I & Dom Dolla Win Big At The Shure Rolling Stone Music Awards
B&T staffer reports back with humdinger of a hangover & feeling seriously uncool after mixing with music types.
Opinion: Dyslexia “A Hidden Gem” For Brands & Agencies
Dyslexics offer underappreciated benefits in the corporate field, according to this op-ed.
David Jones Taps Criteo To Power Online Retail Media Arm
Want to see ads for things you probably can't afford? David Jones has got you covered with new retail media play.
oOh!media Sets Up Team To Target Business Audiences Across Airports & Offices
oOh! wants brands to harass you every minute of your next business trip.
QMS Launches Australian First DOOH & TV Partnership With Samba TV
Samba TV, of course, is not a channel dedicated to dancing. Much to our dismany.
Slew Of New Hires At Amplify
Four new faces join the Amplify offices. Team say desk scarcity becoming "acute".
Adobe Announces Content Authenticity Initiative Expansions To Counter Deep Fakes
Try as they might to enlighten them, we suspect Trump supporters will continue to watch and believe Fox News.
The PR Group Appoints TechCrunch Senior Reporter Catherine Shu As Director Of Content & Media
Catherine Shu makes the bold leap from journalism to PR. Says inevitable pay bump was "unrelated".
HERO Nabs Ebony Santin From AMPR
Rumours Santin cleared out the stationery cupboard before departing are as yet unconfirmed.
Karena Noble Checks Out Of EVT Hotels & Resorts To Launch Comms Consultancy
Noble still managed to squeezed in a continental breakfast before departing.
Canva Acquires Design Platform Affinity To Bring Professional Design Tools To Every Organisation
Canva & Adobe face off continues. We're not picking sides but keenly aware that Canva's office is next door to ours.
“Lean On Our Team To Help You Find An Audience”: Why Understanding Audience Engagement Is Essential In Journalism
Engaging the audience is critical to journos, apparently. We'd thought self-loathing & alcoholism were key.
Adobe Summit: Major Gen AI Developments, Data Concessions & Partnerships
What happens in Vegas stays there. Unless it's the Adobe Summit and then you get to read about in B&T.