OMG! My Very Much Ex-BFF Maddie Ross has announced the finalists for B&T’s inaugural Women In Media Awards and I’m not anywhere on it! WTF?! Nowhere? Like I’m totes invisible all of a sudden, Mads? Last time I lend you my padded bra at the last minute just coz some creative director has asked you out for drinks!
Mads promised there were heaps of hectic categories that I was a shoe in for like ‘Creative’ and ‘Marketing’ and ‘Journalism’ and lots of others and so I put my name down for all of them and obviously I thought I’d only get onto five or six shortlists at the most (I’m not greedy, and I think other people should be given a chance and all that) – but NONE?!? Are you serious Mads? What did I do wrong all of a sudden?
OK, so I admit I’m better looking than you and way hotter and all the guys at B&T fancy me like crazy and make a bee-line for me at the Chrissy party and only ever go after you once I’ve turned them down but, whoa girrl!!
Steady on the jealousy vibe. I mean OK admittedly I’m a way more betterer journo and wordsmith than you’ll ever be coz I’m naturally gifted which is what my teacher told me at Yagoona High when he took me out for drinks to tell me he was giving me the Year 10 internship thing to the Rooty Hill Gazette and obviously I’ve got far more readers than you ever will coz I’m right at the cutting edge of where the action is coz I actually work in a real advertising agency (even though it’s undercover) so I know what the ferals are all doing all day long and my knowledge of digital is second to none coz I’ve even got my own followers on Twitter but are you kidding me hun?
After all my years of guidance and offering you my leg up? I mean you’ve even got a category in your inaugural Women In Media Awards called ‘Mentor’. Definition of a mentor? Like, somebody more experienced than you and way more important than you who shows you all the ropes and gets you all the contacts? I mean, apart from introducing you to all the most important people in the business like my old boss Timmy at Mumbrella and then getting you the top gig at B&T thanks to my awesome contacts there and then taking you to all the cool parties with half the heavy hitters in the advertising industry, and making sure you understood all the marketing jargon (I mean, who explained to you what an ‘Out-of-box experience’ really meant, huh?)
I mean, what have I EVER done for you?!? Oh. That’s right. Nothing. Sorry. I forgot. And to think I was soooooo looking forward to picking up gold for the Most Powerful Woman in Advertising at MAD Week. Well – let me tell you, girl. It ain’t over yet! I’ll be there and just you watch me walk off with the top prize of the week. And it won’t be an award!
Inga Van Kyck works under the covers in a multi-national agency and is a regular B&T columnist.